We speak a lot without saying much when we hold the conversation of life at the shallow level.
It is true that we have our subjective preferences, and we are entitled to them, just as we are entitled to our own journeys at our own pace. But what we are not entitled to, is a subjective view that eclipses objective truth. And what is universally true is that there is a deeper level on which to engage in ‘the conversation’. It is not only in the words we use, it is how we derive enjoyment and seek validation. The exchange of encouragements and validations might be heartfelt, but so often they betray the limited level to which we are holding the conversation.
I don’t like trading in proclamations of how proud I am of someone or how proud they are of me. I still tell people I am proud of them, but I make that gift sacred and powerful by using it sparingly, not to be miserly, but rather to deepen the richness of it when released with a sense of conviction and gravity that simply cannot exist when we sprout it all the time for both the worthy and the relatively banal accomplishments alike.
I find, that when we trade in such language and energy exchanges with another, it actually betrays a truth about us that we are seeking it quite desperately, and we have been taught by a world troubled by small thinking, that the way to get is to give; that love is transactional based on our merit earned through virtue.
This is not entirely wrong, it is just a bit immature and the truth is just more nuanced and more simple. Our language is often too small for the territory we have already entered.
There is always a deeper conversation. And there is always an invitation being extended.
The small narrative says “we get what we earn through virtue.” This keeps us small, it keeps the conversation small and limits the depth of connection we can have in our relationships and our experience. The new framing is “we get what we reach for.”
Our so called virtues of piety, modesty and kindness, are affectations we put on to showcase to others. Maturity reveals the truth that all that is necessary is vulnerability and radical honesty.
And beautifully, to Reach means both to aim for something beyond ourselves as well as arriving there.
Ignore the low hanging fruit of easy compliments and rousing mutual encouragements, reach for the higher branches.
Reach.